The truth is, I’m tired. I’m tired of the fatigue, tired of the supplements and tired of the restlessness that makes me feel like an itchy teenager in need of some fast wheels and a hall pass.
So over the weekend, I skipped the doctors and the self- help books and prescribed my own medicine…a retreat. I didn’t head to a fancy spa, didn’t listen to another inspirational tele-seminar…didn’t even leave the house.
I shut it all down. The curtains. The Lifetime channel. The telephone. (Yes, I still own a landline phone.) And I went into retreat.
I prayed. I meditated. I journaled for wisdom. And to retrieve pieces of my soul.
I wrote poetry. I brooded over old photographs and wondered about the sad eyes of the woman who looked like me. How did I refuse to see what needed to be seen for all of those years?
I kissed an old photograph of my son and felt a surge of joy and pain at the same time; his blue eyes were so blue and I held him in a tight embrace. I remember that day–it was his first day at school.
I read an inspirational book on grace and marveled at human courage. And I cried.
I spent the day tuning into my soul, listening intently while it was being poured out in synchronicities, old pictures, tears, journals, letters, for me to assemble with patience.
When I meditated, I asked the Divine for help to re-connect with my soul. I asked:
“What do I need to bring into my life so I can hear my soul?”
laughter. deep breathing. play. prayer. intuition. expansion. sacredness. reflection. tear down those walls. purge toxins. what brings imbalance. grace. goodness. draw shades.
feed the birds.
I heard answers of all sorts. (In all fairness, the guidance to feed the birds may have been my subconscious because my sweetheart reminded me before he went away on a weekend trip.)
But you get the idea. My soul is talking to me. And I think some of the restlessness I have been feeling is really resistance.
Let’s face it, sometimes it is easier to sip a glass of wine and turn on the “Real Housewives” to numb out the noise than it is to set aside time for a soul date. That is, until it’s not.
I share this very personal blog about my soul guidance from a ground floor perspective, with no perch from which to sit. I am barefoot now, and ready to feed the birds.